SPN Fic: Possessed

[borgmama1of5]

Title: Possessed
Author: borgmama1of5
Genre: Gen
Rating: G
Wordcount: 382
Disclaimer: Not mine, just anxiously conjecturing…
Summary: Dean is still himself inside Michael.


He cannot fight.

I’ve left your brother alone, Dean. I know exactly how much he means to you. So to show my appreciation for your surrender of your vessel, I have let him be. But if you challenge my possession of my sword, I will go after him and kill him.

His fingers close around the girl’s neck.

He watches as the life leaves her eyes and her body goes limp.

His hands release and her lifeless form crumples to the sidewalk.

He cannot close his eyes. Michael wants him to see this. Knows how every death committed with Dean's hands pierces Dean like a knife in his gut.

Poor kid had made the fatal mistake of asking if Michael would be interested in her services.

The death of such an unworthy creature still disturbs you. You still do not see that by ridding this world of the impure, the sinners, I will bring glory out of darkness.

He cannot care.

All he can do is to draw his self-hatred and despair into a tight ball and hide within it.

In the initial hours of his possession, Michael had sought every experience in Dean’s mind, the myriad of things Dean had hidden behind bricked-up barricades which Michael effortlessly blasted through, subjecting all of Dean to blinding, burning scrutiny.

You are flawed. You know you are flawed, you know how many iniquitous acts you have committed. You have lied, you have stolen, you have tortured, you have killed. Yet you are my sword, my true vessel. And when this earth is cleansed of sin, so shall you be redeemed.

He is never completely unaware of what Michael is doing, though there are periods where everything outside of him is foggy and disjointed. Other times it is crystal clear, almost always when Michael wants Dean to see how he is remaking the world to his satisfaction.

Usually by killing those he deems not suitable to realize his vision.

Every death, even of those who truly seem to deserve inimical judgment, hurts.

Michael’s presence suffuses his thoughts and he could simply surrender himself to the archangel. Let go of his stubborn refusal to remain Dean Winchester, stop forcing himself to look into the eyes of those his hands are killing.

But he won’t. He can’t.

Comments

[sandymg.livejournal.com]

Leave my heart quivering, why don't you? Poor Dean. I'd hate to think it'll be this bad. But it got that bad when he was a demon.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry...well, not really...

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

{quietly sobbing}

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Sorry...not...

(Glad to know it got the result I was going for...)

[tyrsibs.livejournal.com]

" Let go of his stubborn refusal to remain Dean Winchester, stop forcing himself to look into the eyes of those his hands are killing.".

That's it. Something at the core of Dean that refuses to look away. You've nailed it. Now please excuse me while I go sit in a corner for a bit, contemplating what this might mean for him----

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Something at the core of Dean that refuses to look away.

I gotta believe that's what will save him!

This is what happened when I started thinking about what being possessed would be like for Dean...

[zara-zee.livejournal.com]

And we all know that whatever Michael does with Dean's hands, Dean will take that on board as his fault; his responsibility too.
The whole 'possession' concept truly horrifies me; being trapped within your own mind while your body acts without your consent. Just awful. I'd really love to get something from the POV of a possessed person on Show one day.(Dean would be great!) Not sure how they'd manage it without making it look cheesy though.
This, though, was a nice look at that same thing, which perhaps works better in writing than it would on screen. :)

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Absolutely Dean will blame himself, even though he told Sam he wasn't responsible for what Gadriel did with Sam's body...

[ladyjane]

I think Meg and Sam are the only ones we've heard describe their experiences. In episode 04:02 with the Rising of the Witnesses, Meg was pretty clear about how horrid it was for her, and Sam never has forgiven himself for his hands being the ones to kill Kevin, even though he wasn't responsible.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

It was challenging to imagine...but I know Dean would be appalled at his body being used to kill even if he couldn't do anything about it...

[madebyme-x.livejournal.com]

You really captured the horror of the possession so well, and how inevitably Dean will shoulder the responsibility of Michael's actions.

Thank you for sharing this :)

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear this resonated with you...waiting anxiously to see how show handles it!

[jillmariej.livejournal.com]

NOPE. This is too painful. i'm gonna deny that it's perfect and probably exactly what's going on and sing "Sunshine and Lollipops" cuz i don't need angst in my coffee. Did you have to write so well that I was compelled to read the whole thing? sniff.i'm not crying you're crying. don't look at me.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry!

If it helps, it hurt as much to write it as it did for you to read it...Not much consolation, huh...

(Thanks for letting me know I accomplished what I set out to do--kill people...)

[jennytork.livejournal.com]

Wow... nailed this so perfectly and so painfully..

Great job! Off to cry now.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Wow, I didn't intend to make everyone cry...

...but it is kind of gratifying :)

Thanks for reading!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ugh - a scary look inside, what it must be like to be Michael's vessel.So different yet similar to Lucifer - just more righteous. Much, much worse than being the demon Dean was...

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

The difference between Dean's recovery after Demon!Dean vs Michael!Dean would be fascinating to explore...it would be nice if show gave us some of it...

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

We can dream... they are notoriously bad at aftermath though.

[ladyjane]

Aftermath is what fanfic was mead for!

[kribban.livejournal.com]

Interesting look!

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading!

[bratfarrar]

Oof--what an unhappy thought. And you're right, it's definitely worse than when he was a demon, because then it was still just him, even if he had the Mark's corrupting influence pushing him to kill. He still got to choose who and when and how.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

This:
He still got to choose who and when and how. Yes!

I started thinking about what it would feel like from the inside to be possessed, and this pretty much just wrote itself.

And it kind of hurt to write it...And made me very anxious for the next season to start, October seems so far away...

Thanks for reading!

[mangacat201.livejournal.com]

Oh Michael is just an evil son of a bitch and best company to his brother, really.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

And how is Dean going to be freed???

And what will he feel like afterward???

[fufaraw]

Wow. Scripts are going to be pale in comparison with this.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the most gratifying review I've ever received!

[mangacat201.livejournal.com]

Oh Michael is just an evil son of a bitch and best company to his brother, really.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

It's going to be horrible for Dean...

Thanks for reading!

[crimsonepitaph.livejournal.com]

I really love this, a wonderful exploration of this part of Dean's psyche.

Thank you for sharing!

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! I really hope we get something like this, though I don't know how they would do it visually...

[lira-chimera.livejournal.com]

Ow. OW. Well done, damn it, very well done indeed!

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Thank you...damned but not with faint praise :)

[lira-chimera.livejournal.com]

It's just really good. High five! <3

[ladyjane]

Everything everyone said above. Poor Dean! As if he didn't have enough guilt weighing on him.

You've got me thinking about how they are going to get rid of Michael. I'm wondering what happened to the Horsemens' rings after the Pit closed. We know Death got his back. If they still have the other three, perhaps Billie will help them open the Pit so they can throw alt!Michael into The Cage with Crazy!Michael? --

OMChuck! The last time the Pit was opened, Sam rode Lucifer into The Cage. What if the Season 14 Finale has Dean riding Michael into the Cage? *grabs blankie and weeps*

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

I don't think they would reuse that ending...I think we're getting Dean back fairly quickly but that he will have flashbacks to being possessed for a while.

Thanks for reading!

[ellerkay.livejournal.com]

This hurts my heart in the best possible way. I think you have Michael's terrifying, self-righteous sureness down to a T. And Dean's response is perfectly in character. "All he can do is to draw his self-hatred and despair into a tight ball and hide within it" is so very Dean that it makes me want to cry. Amazing work.

(Poor, poor Dean! I'm dying for the season premiere...)

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

I really appreciate hearing that you felt I got Dean--and Michael--right.

And I think this last few weeks to the premiere are going to be really hard!